The Confidence of Neville Longbottom
Things that scare me:
Not knowing what I think “I should know by now”
—You likely DIDN’T make the best use of your time in the past, and you absolutely must forgive yourself for this.
That I might never be able to grasp certain concepts, even if I try
—And you will never know, unless you try. The obstacle probably is the way.
That I might secretly NOT want to learn the concepts I am trying to learn
—That would indeed be a crisis of scholarship. Go on until you can’t keep going any more.
That I might put so much effort into learning something, only to forget it
Most things you ever learn, you forget. You have to keep reading similar things, to engraine something into your head. You have to live your scholarship, and then you will be able to keep it.
Being considered as someone who “doesn’t work” by my family. Or appearing to work much less hard than my hard-working family.
If I could just get over this hurdle, my fear of being secretly judged while they do tremendously well at not openly judging me at all…This fear exists mainly in my own head, and I must conquer it!
There, now that I have opened my new blog with ALL the fears…
This morning I woke up at 5.30 with Neville Longbottom on the brain. This probably happens to many people. You know, he wasn’t very good at things but he achieved success when he tried hard and found what he was passionate about (animate plants). He certainly deserved to exist, and even had a glorious destiny tied into the lives and plans of certain other heroes (and maybe I do too! Although I would rather be the lead…) But without going too far, thinking of Neville has helped me to continue trying. I know I will get discouraged again, but I will try again, and again, and just suuuuuck at it, until it gets better. I shall grow my own confidence, despite my self-doubt, like Neville.
Because it is not too late. It’s never too late until you are dead (or until you see the perfect job for you advertised, but you need to finish your thesis, and you have never taught anyone anything) –then you are too late for that job but not too late for the next one, and it’s not too late to stop suffering from self-imposed intellectual torment!
Have a great day, everybody!